This is the man, officer. He's the one who did all of this. He wrote those cutesy little poems, and all of those derogatory little cartoons. And then he set up that two-bit postcard stand with all of those ridiculous little catch phrases. It's about time he bore the consequences of all his little shenanigans.

My name is Richard, and that's mostly what I go by these days. But people who knew me when I was growing up still call me Richie, which is OK. I created Richie Millennium, and put him in this place, and called it The Thirteenth Dimension. Isn't it just adorable?

I know that you're just dying to know more about me, so keep your culottes on. Where do I start? I contain mass, and am reasonably symmetrical. My favorite color is Unclear, and my favorite page is 490. When I was a child I thought as a child, and spoke as a child, and had a treehouse as a child. But now that I am grown, I have penmanship as a child, and watch cartoons as a child, and laugh as a child. I am single, though I might could someday be convinced to subscribe to a local daily newspaper. I listen to music, I watch TV, and I drive a truck, but not always in that order. I have a stationary bike that I ride every day, and a stationary ironing board that I use every week. And contrary to popular belief, I do wear pants. I have photos. And I've managed to compile a list of interesting facts about myself called Things You May Not Have Known About Me (Probably Because None Of It's True). But there's no good reason you should go look at it.

I have a high opinion of Homer J Simpson, The Tick, Cosmo Kramer, and Joel Robinson. I have two English dictionaries, one Spanish dictionary, and two books devoted to unusual words. I have been to Russia, but I've never been to California. I have a CD collection filled with Celtic, surf rock, rockabilly, alternative country, and Christian modern rock music. I have to go to the bathroom.

The one thing that I will speak seriously about is Christianity. I believe that every individual should at least consider the basic tenets of Christianity at some time in their life. I'm sorry to say that many people never get an opportunity to hear a straightforward and accurate presentation of the Gospel, and because of that they don't realize what it means to have peace with God. Soon I hope to have ready a page where I try to explain frankly what the Bible says about how we can have peace with God. You're spending time in the Thirteenth Dimension right now, so I know you won't have anything better to do for a few minutes.