Pennywise
See a penny, sir.
Pick it up with your fingers.
Try not to eat it.

Think About It, Won't You?
This is your goiter
This is your goiter on PEZ
Any dispensers?

Clarification
All of my haiku
Were written by my own hand
Except those I stole.

don't talk to strangers

A Diet I Can Live With
Why does that fish food
Look like tiny bacon bits?
Jealousy blinds me.

Super Friends
So no one told you
That haiku would be this way?
I've been here for you.

Now You Know That I Know
While it's on my mind
Let me say that you smell great
Keep up the great work.

More Than Hats Can Hold
The size of my head
Can't be expressed with mere words
Unless it's in song.

tell the truth

It's A Living
My super powers
Demand that I don a cape
And wear some glasses.

Esophagus Of Pure Steel
Sometimes I pretend
I'm drinking Aqua Velva
Instead of Kool-Aid.

Paying The Bills
If I had a dime
For every reader I have
I could buy soda.

The One Lane Highway
When you're in my way
I can't buy more cereal
So move your cart, please.

go with the flow

Inanity
Talk about round things,
Man, how about those circles?
Yep, they sure are round.

The Tomb Of
The Unknown
Haiku Trilogy

Larry The Intergalactic Hall Monitor Strikes Back
Day young, stomach shot.
Froot Loops crunchy, milk ready.
Breakfast served, life good.

Larry Gets Intergalactic
He's country, she rocks.
Men from Mars, women Venus.
Boys don't cry, girls might.

Larry Monitors The Intergalactic Hall Once Again
Ears big, nose quite long.
Head enormous, chin massive.
Day cold, hat too small.

My Little Secret
If Mars does attack
They should use huge asteroids
But I won't tell them.

Sowing The Seeds Of Love
I think "Helmut Kohl"
Would be an excellent name
For my first daughter.

push the button

prepare an appetizing dish

It's Nice To Have Goals
I wish I knew crafts
Then I could make some new pants
Of macaroni

Alright, Then
When you said funny
I thought you meant like "ha-ha"
Sorry that I laughed.

Silly Medicine
Words used for healing
Like salve, lozenge, and ointment
Sure do sound funny!

Kindergarten Equivalency
If I were a toy,
I guess I'd be a Weeble...
Except I fall down.

think again

the
Taco
Salad
trilogy

I'll Have An Anomaly, To Go
Where in Mexico
Is there a taco salad?
Only in punch lines.

Fast Food Heaven
Meat, beans, and more stuff
Thrown into a bowl you eat -
A single man's dream.

A Recipe For Love
Make a big taco,
Then drop a salad in it,
Then eat with a spork.

No, I Mean It!
You're incredible
It's not like you're amazing
I don't believe you.

Obstacle a la Flight Attendant
Just wait one moment
And things will work out to be
As you first had planned.

sing a happy song

Ancient Chinese Secret
Always remember:
A triangle plus one side
Is no triangle.

think about what you just did

Dead Taco's Society
Carpe burrito!
Seize the border while you can!
Fill your spork with life!

B. W. A.
Linger with us here.
We'll draw fish pictures, and play
Breakfast With Amy.

Grimace
A big, purple lump
Who represents our milkshakes.
Why should I worry?

Color By
Fill in the substance:
Wordless songs and blurred pictures
Our happy montage.

I'm No Good With Jokes
There's this astro-guy
And he walks into this place...
I forgot the rest.

choke up on the bat

Those Ropes Are There For A Reason!
Hey, that's not a toy
You're piggy-backin' a bomb
Get off that thing... now!

stir briskly

Welcome Wagon
Mother, come here please.
They've come to take me away.
Where are my shoestrings?

Ode to Shaggy
Though you are so cool,
Why do you munch Scooby snacks?
You're eating dog food!

the
Three Times
a PEZ Haiku
trilogy

PEZ Tip Number Seven
To attract new friends
Augment your PEZ collection.
PEZ is fun to eat.

The PEZ Incident
I once saw Snoopy,
And chalk came out of his neck.
Then some kid ate it!

PEZ Wisdom
Fill your dispensers
With yummy PEZ brand candy.
Don't let it run out!

On The Side
Life is a Tex-Mex:
A chicken chimichanga
With, or without beans!

pile on the zest

Sasquatch
If you scratch my back
Then I'll give you an award,
Cuz that's a big back!

Dream Big
Clap on and clap off...
I could invent cool gadgets.
Then they'll dig my scene.

I Need a Hero
Accolades to you!
You ate every last Frito!
You rock in my book.

Braggart
I have a torso.
I wash all of it each day.
It's my best feature!

don't frighten the monkeys

Pirate Boy
I'm a pirate, mate!
I've got a patch on me eye!
Arrgh! I'm a pirate!

Fashion Tip King
The magic dance belt:
Flashy, trendy, practical.
Go get yours today!

Sassy Is As Sassy Does
My! Now that's sassy!
Toss that hair and throw that chin.
You do have the look!

Harsh Interjections
When I feel mad, RATS!
The tire fell off my go-cart!
And boy, can I scowl!

Sit On It
My leather jacket
Makes me feel cool like Fonzie,
But look like Potsy.

Richard "Pants" Seagull
If I were a bird,
I'd try to hold my B.M.'s.
How embarrassing!

Saturday Night Special
Oh to be named Steve...
I'd give my eye teeth for it,
If I could find them.

save your nickels

Helmet Boy
I'm a Wonder Twin.
Yes, I still have that haircut
Just like my sister's.

wipe that hangy thing from your nose

Whatever, Man
I think of Hootie
And I think of the Blowfish.
I just don't get it.

Bad Logic
I know there are trees
And I've seen there is evil
But trees aren't evil!

What A Bargain!
These pants ought to last
As long as I own my car.
That's a guarantee!

carefully weigh your choices

don't wig on me

Post-its In The Wind
Ahhh, how short life is.
We're all yellow sticky notes,
Memos, for a time.

It's My Day
They paved paradise?
I still cannot find parking
Except in Egypt.

Coloring Time
I drew the duck blue.
I'd never seen a blue duck,
But I wanted to.

Vaya Con Queso
¿Feo musica?
No fue mi tocadisco.
Eso si que es.

It's A Beautiful Thing
In this galaxy,
Darth Vader's a punk rocker.
The force kicks my butt.

Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Eight Times,ShameOn Sidney Pottier
Earlier today
I talked to my pillowcase.
It surprised me too.

kick off your Sunday shoes

A Small Slip Of The Alternate Universe
Don't you hate it when
You meant to say "I'm sorry,"
But said "Whatever!!!"?

the
Paper
Mache
trilogy

Paper Mache Horror
Staring in my face,
The Beet on my lamp table
Won't leave me alone!

Guardian Paper Mache
Asleep on my floor
My window sill Papaya
Keeps watch over me.

Pepper Mache
Oh paper Pepper,
What ties bind you to my desk?
You spice-like eye toy!

keep the little ones, too

Traffic Spectacle
The mighty wiper
Single-wiperedly cleans all
The rain from the Jag.

By That Time My Lungs Were Aching For Air
Lot's of my haiku
Are drawn from weird things in life.
Except for this one.

Algebra Wackiness
The Cartesian plane -
The most economical
Way to Cartesia.

We Used Iambic Pentameter. And We Liked It!
When I was your age,
There was no cool poetry.
It all had to rhyme.

Beatnik User's Manual
Can a cat survive
With just a single bongo?
Only if he's good.

Exploratory Exercises
"Peering through veiled glass"
Is a phrase I don't use much,
Though it sounds neat-o.

Snap Decision
Of all body parts,
My favorite is the goiter -
A thing of beauty.

look at that

The Adventures Of Larry The Intergalactic Hall Monitor
God good, devil bad.
Haiku dull, will to live gone.
Pants tight, nose itching.

The Further Adventures Of Larry The IntergalacticHallMonitor
Ponch macho, John shy.
Bike cool, helmet cumbersome.
Disco dead, show gone.

Read Us A Haiku, You're The Picklehead
On a sunny day,
Take a little time to bathe.
You'll be glad you did.

I Am Reminded Of The Fact That Many Of The World's Great Poets Often Did Their Best Work While Experiencing Great Adversity
Is it hot in here?
Are you hot? I'm very hot!
It's like a sauna.

really, take a bath

As I Sit And Contemplate The Meaning Of Life I Stumble Over The Single Known Use For Canada Dry
What's punch all about?
It's like a bizarre church drink
For boring events.

Magically Delicious
Suck the moisture out
Of all of those marshmallows
And I've got breakfast!

World's Best Cereal
Cereal so sweet,
Cotton candy gets jealous
I miss Circus Fun.

Ode To Grape Nuts
I'll watch the world die,
And readily eat gravel,
'Cuz I eat Grape Nuts.

Ode To Alphabits
My poor cereal.
I'd rather read than eat you,
Dear literate snack.

Like It A Lot
I like Post Toasties.
I don't ever eat the stuff,
I just like the name.

Ode To Cookie Crisp
I'm looking for you,
Mr. Cookies-For-Breakfast.
I really love you.

Ode To Rice Krispies
Snap, Crackle, and Pop
Are just three of the worst names
To give to an elf.

leave me alone

Ode To Another Cereal
It's Nut'N'Honey!
It sounds like "Nothin' honey."
Man, that's such a hoot!