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Cashku
One piece at a time
It didn't cost me a dime
You'll know when it's me.
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Inanity
Talk about round things,
Man, how about those circles?
Yep, they sure are round.
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Grimace
A big, purple lump
Who represents our milkshakes.
Why should I worry?
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B. W. A.
Linger with us here.
We'll draw fish pictures, and play
Breakfast With Amy.
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Color By
Fill in the substance:
Wordless songs and blurred pictures
Our happy montage.
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Braggart
I have a torso.
I wash all of it each day.
It's my best feature!
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Pennywise
See a penny, sir.
Pick it up with your fingers.
Try not to eat it.
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Sasquatch
If you scratch my back
Then I'll give you an award,
Cuz that's a big back!
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Sit On It
My leather jacket
Makes me feel cool like Fonzie,
But look like Potsy.
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Bad Logic
I know there are trees
And I've seen there is evil
But trees aren't evil!
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Dream Big
Clap on and clap off...
I could invent cool gadgets.
Then they'll dig my scene.
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Pirate Boy
I'm a pirate, mate!
I've got a patch on me eye!
Arrgh! I'm a pirate!
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Helmet Boy
I'm a Wonder Twin.
Yes, I still have that haircut
Just like my sister's.
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On The Side
Life is a Tex-Mex:
A chicken chimichanga
With, or without beans!
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It's My Day
They paved paradise?
I still cannot find parking
Except in Egypt.
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It's A Living
My super powers
Demand that I don a cape
And wear some glasses.
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Clarification
All of my haiku
Were written by my own hand
Except those I stole.
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Super Friends
So no one told you
That haiku would be this way?
I've been here for you.
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Whatever, Man
I think of Hootie
And I think of the Blowfish.
I just don't get it.
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Coloring Time
I drew the duck blue.
I'd never seen a blue duck,
But I wanted to.
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Snap Decision
Of all body parts,
My favorite is the goiter -
A thing of beauty.
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Alright, Then
When you said funny
I thought you meant like "ha-ha"
Sorry that I laughed.
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Welcome Wagon
Mother, come here please.
They've come to take me away.
Where are my shoestrings?
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Ode to Shaggy
Though you are so cool,
Why do you munch Scooby snacks?
You're eating dog food!
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I Need a Hero
Accolades to you!
You ate every last Frito!
You rock in my book.
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Silly Medicine
Words used for healing
Like salve, lozenge, and ointment
Sure do sound funny!
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Vaya Con Queso
¿Feo musica?
No fue mi tocadisco.
Eso si que es.
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No, I Mean It!
You're incredible
It's not like you're amazing
I don't believe you.
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What A Bargain!
These pants ought to last
As long as I own my car.
That's a guarantee!
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Calculator Envy
Mine will do cosine
But yours can find the cubed root.
My pursed lips tell all.
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Paying The Bills
If I had a dime
For every reader I have
I could buy soda.
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My Little Secret
If Mars does attack
They should use huge asteroids
But I won't tell them.
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Fashion Tip King
The magic dance belt:
Flashy, trendy, practical.
Go get yours today!
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Traffic Spectacle
The mighty wiper
Single-wiperedly cleans all
The rain from the Jag.
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Algebra Wackiness
The Cartesian plane -
The most economical
Way to Cartesia.
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Talent By The Yard
They might be giants
If you measured their genius.
But how long is wit?
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Dead Taco's Society
Carpe burrito!
Seize the border while you can!
Fill your spork with life!
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Harsh Interjections
When I feel mad, RATS!
The tire fell off my go-cart!
And boy, can I scowl!
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The One Lane Highway
When you're in my way
I can't buy more cereal
So move your cart, please.
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Post-its In The Wind
Ahhh, how short life is.
We're all yellow sticky notes,
Memos, for a time.
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Why I No Longer Call
When I think of stew
I belch, and then think of you
I, poet, shun thee!
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Beatnik User's Manual
Can a cat survive
With just a single bongo?
Only if he's good.
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Exploratory Exercises
"Peering through veiled glass"
Is a phrase I don't use much,
Though it sounds neat-o.
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A Diet I Can Live With
Why does that fish food
Look like tiny bacon bits?
Jealousy blinds me.
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Ancient Chinese Secret
Always remember:
A triangle plus one side
Is no triangle.
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I'm No Good With Jokes
There's this astro-guy
And he walks into this place...
I forgot the rest.
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Sassy Is As Sassy Does
My! Now that's sassy!
Toss that hair and throw that chin.
You do have the look!
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Saturday Night Special
Oh to be named Steve...
I'd give my eye teeth for it,
If I could find them.
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It's A Beautiful Thing
In this galaxy,
Darth Vader's a punk rocker.
The force kicks my butt.
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It's Nice To Have Goals
I wish I knew crafts
Then I could make some new pants
Of macaroni
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More Than Hats Can Hold
The size of my head
Can't be expressed with mere words
Unless it's in song.
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Esophagus Of Pure Steel
Sometimes I pretend
I'm drinking Aqua Velva
Instead of Kool-Aid.
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Richard "Pants" Seagull
If I were a bird,
I'd try to hold my B.M.'s.
How embarrassing!
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Now You Know That I Know
While it's on my mind
Let me say that you smell great
Keep up the great work.
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Sowing The Seeds Of Love
I think "Helmut Kohl"
Would be an excellent name
For my first daughter.
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Kindergarten Equivalency
If I were a toy,
I guess I'd be a Weeble...
Except I fall down.
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Think About It, Won't You?
This is your goiter
This is your goiter on PEZ
Any dispensers?
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Obstacle a la Flight Attendant
Just wait one moment
And things will work out to be
As you first had planned.
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Those Ropes Are There For A Reason!
Hey, that's not a toy
You're piggy-backin' a bomb
Get off that thing... now!
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A Small Slip Of The Alternate Universe
Don't you hate it when
You meant to say "I'm sorry,"
But said "Whatever!!!"?
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Read Us A Haiku, You're The Picklehead
On a sunny day,
Take a little time to bathe.
You'll be glad you did.
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By That Time My Lungs Were Aching For Air
Lots of my haiku
Are drawn from weird things in life.
Except for this one.
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We Used Iambic Pentameter. And We Liked It!
When I was your age,
There was no cool poetry.
It all had to rhyme.
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The Adventures Of Larry The Intergalactic Hall Monitor
God good, devil bad.
Haiku dull, will to live gone.
Pants tight, nose itching.
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The Further Adventures Of Larry The Intergalactic Hall Monitor
Ponch macho, John shy.
Bike cool, helmet cumbersome.
Disco dead, show gone.
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Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Eight Times, Shame On Sidney Pottier
Earlier today
I talked to my pillowcase.
It surprised me too.
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As I Sit And Contemplate The Meaning Of Life I Stumble Over
The Single Known Use For Canada Dry
What's punch all about?
It's like a bizarre church drink
For boring events.
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I Am Reminded Of The Fact That Many Of The World's Great Poets
Often Did Their Best Work While Experiencing Great Adversity
Is it hot in here?
Are you hot? I'm very hot!
It's like a sauna.
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